wertmanwilliam

Thanks for the llama

I knew a llama once. At least I thought I knew him. I mean, how well can anyone really know anyone, much less a llama. With their air of mystery and thinly veiled contempt. It’s hard. But I digress.

His name was Kevin. But for reasons I will never understand, he would only ever answer to Albert. Identity issues aside, things started out okay. The usual introductory sniffing and sneezing went well, despite his allergies, but then things started going downhill during the ritual licking phase of the pleasantries. We pushed through. And had it not been for the spitting, we might have even been able to make it work, but alas, after just 3 seconds of bittersweet brotherhood, we finally decided to part ways. It’s kind of sad, when you think about it. Spitting seems like such an innocent thing to fight over, but he was pretty adamant that I should stop and that was just never going to happen. We might have overcome that issue, but Kevin, like all llamas, was very competitive. First came the stench competitions. Then it was belching contests. And lastly, a painstaking count to see which one was hairier. You can clearly see why our relationship was doomed. The poor fellow was a bit of a sore loser.

So he snuck out, taking with him a failed friendship, an obliviously optimistic dread of the future, and my sixth favorite toothbrush. Now that he is gone, I can honestly say, it's for the best. He was too much of a chick magnet anyway and who needs that poultry drama?

Full disclaimer, as Kevin’s official biographer, a position of which he blackmailed me into (don’t ask), I’ve been instructed to inform you about his ongoing series. The journey starts here with The Kevin Chronicles - Chapter 1, and this gallery contains the rest. You should check it out.

*End of cue card*

And don't worry, they're pretty short.

No pressure though, only if you want.

 

Thank you for choosing AbsurdAir, your captain for this flight is KaidokJ. I have no license, I’m considered legally blind and I’m easily distrac… Wait, what was I talking about…

But not to fear. There’s a good chance we’ll never make our destination, but since this whole flight metaphor is just a weak attempt at a humorous anecdote, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem. Ah damn, I just shattered the illusion by crashing through the 4th wall.

Anyway, thanks for the watch.

I’m sure you regret your choice by now, considering this madness is basically what you signed up for, but since all tickets are non-refundable, welcome to Crazytown. Quarantine measures come into effect upon arrival.

On a more serious note, here’s basically the run down. Posting regularly (fingers crossed), free funny stories in almost all fav replies, and an intro to Kevin the Llama in the Llama Badge reply. Also, if you haven’t already heard, I’ve been designated Kevin Llamason’s official biographer, so you can check out what he’s been up to in The Kevin Chronicles. (Unfortunately “The Kevin Chronicles” are currently on hiatus, while Kevin gets a handle on his pinecone addiction. In the meantime I hope to experiment with a new format in the near future, so keep an eye out for that)

So that’s about it. Thanks again for flying AbsurdAir, and I hope you enjoy the ride.  

Sorry about the late welcome...